When The Night Is Dark And Full Of Terrors

When life gets tough, video games are there for you. They are not a fix. They do not make your problems go away. But they can be a comfort.

This is not my first heavier post, nor will it be the last, I imagine. But I felt I needed to say a few things and hopefully there’s some nice stuff within.

Recently, I’ve been struggling. I suffer a lot with anxiety and depression and sometimes it all gets too much. Work is difficult for me. I try, I really do, and heck.. the past few months I’ve even succeeded, but every now and then, something tweaks and I come crashing down. Most recently I was told that I wasn’t doing well enough at my job and that caused a complete mental collapse. I felt as though I’d fallen down and every time I tried to get back up, somebody was pushing me back down with their foot. After a while of that, you’d give up, right? Just stay down until the foot goes away. Except I’m not okay with that. I’ve done the giving up thing and it’s quite unpleasant. I have a life to live so I circumvented the foot and sought as much help and support as I possibly could, resulting in a huge shake-up in my life and a doctor’s note declaring me unfit for work. It’s frightening, but I’m rolling out from under that foot. I might be a bit muddy for a while, my legs shaky from disuse, but I’ll get back up. I might even have to sit there one the ground for a little while, but I will get up. And in the meantime I’m gaming.

Gaming Can Be A Healthy Escape

Some people turn to self harm, alcohol, drugs, all sorts when the foot keeps them down. I, personally, ignore those urges as much as I can. Sometimes I comfort eat, sure, but mostly I escape. I read, I watch TV shows, I write, I game. I might even spend a lot of time doing nothing but, however, at the end of each day, I go to bed feeling more like myself than I do around the times when I don’t get to escape.


Cue Rift. The game I’ve always loved and never really had the chance to play because I couldn’t find likeminded people to play with. Not people who were active enough for me, anyway. So I sought a guild. I decided I wasn’t going to just settle like I have done in the past, I wanted a guild that fitted me. And that’s how I stumbled into The White Wolves and found a guild that wasn’t just a bunch of people playing a game together, but a community, and one that I’m proud to be a part of.

They’re warm and welcoming. Silly. Helpful. Fun. People that I can call friends. All the things that I need when I’m gaming. And all the things I need when I escape from the crap going on in my life. All within a game that I love.

So while I’m sat on this muddy floor feeling cold and a little put off, I’ll be getting a little white wolf cuddle to stave a little of that off.

7 thoughts on “When The Night Is Dark And Full Of Terrors”

  1. Whatever keeps to going another day I say.

    Tomorrow (some tomorrow) it will be better, until then, “self medicate” in a safe way, and gaming enables you to maintain contact with other humans and gain shoulders to lean on outside of the daily grind, there are definitely worse ways to “self medicate”.

    That you are aware that you are struggling is so important, you can fight what you know.. so keep on kicking and screaming until the need for it has gone.

    Was years of WoW a bad thing for me… I’ll never know for sure, but I do know that the friendship and support from in-game and the blogosphere kept me going until I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Take care!


  2. I hope you’ll find your way back up again. If there is anything I can do or us wolves can do dont hesitate to ask :) Im sure theres alot of us who can lend you a shoulder, I know I can alltho we dont know eachother very well yet.

    All I know is gaming and blogging does help when your mind wonders to far. Just dont try to shut ur thoughts totally off, just let them wander off to something else instead. Sounds totally wierd but its a tip ive gotten myself and it does help to let thoughts be there and slowly go away as you occupy urself instead of hearing ur thoughts nag, or removing them completly.

    Anyways, wish you the best, without the bad there would never be anything good.
    Miss recently posted..Tine, me!

  3. The last time it happened to me, which was a very long time ago, thank heavens, and long may it stay that way, it was movies that filled the hole. I think MMOs would have filled it a lot better but they didn’t exist back then.

    Take care and be good to yourself. You will get the ground back under your feet. It just takes a little while.

  4. I went down 6 years ago after 36 years of being a teacher
    ( diagnose: stress depression and outburned).
    Got a pensionand shortly after I saw on TV a woman who played WOW.
    Became a dedicated player and you are so right about how it helps to hold the dark thoughts away.
    Today I only have a few lapses esp in the wintertime.
    There is light behind the tunnel, but it takes time
    Take care

  5. Hey Jae, sorry to see that you are having a difficult time at the moment. I can empathise I had to give up my job when my depression and anxiety grew too bad, that was like 5-6 years ago and soon after I discovered WoW and that proved to be a blessing.

    Take care of yourself, and you are right, you will eventually be able to stand up from the ground :) Feel free to talk with me anytime <3

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